The choir to which I have belonged for the last few years is disbanding.

I have torn a page/ written into the passage of time:
my Hummingbirds story- musical opportunities, making friendships, baking treats for monthly birthdays, gigs in care homes, Friday afternoons in company, stories and laughter, blending and birthing…experiencing the joy of singing
2nd row…second soprano

Closing the chapter…events pass into memory, cherished and not forgotten.

To feel alive…
In this lifetime
Is to immerse myself
In music.
My body sways to rhythms.
To hear my voice aloud-
sing out and sing along,
other tunes and my own,
alone or in groups,
Streaming through my being-
notes of comfort and creation.

Words are my treasures-
light my path.
Fuel my creative streak-
speaking and writing
sharing and leading
singing, styling…
stories and ideas abound
created and creating
conversations and observations
of the world, my world:
inside and out.

I am learning to leave constraint behind.
To belong.


Inch by inch; row by row…

Taking a step-
How will I feel?
What will it look like?
Who will notice?
What if…
One step is not a pattern.

Taking another step-
Feeling nervous:
doing it anyway.
Familiar: beginning of un
Towards…and letting go of!
Desire and design hold hands.
I am holding my breath.

Beginning and becoming unfold,
Living through my senses:
I am new and renewed.
The music of my life flows
from Source. Heart and soul are
engaged in this enterprise that
reflects my experience,
changes my circumstances.
Feeling more confident.

Out there in the world
I am sharing my natural gifts
out loud.I am feeling some resistance.
Both successes and learning opportunities
are mine!I can make a difference.
I am learning!
I am feeling!
I am creating!
I am breathing!
I am expanding.
Conscious living invites deeper relationships
with myself…other.


Onwards and upwards; outwards and inwards
She travels.
Trusting, believing in, grateful for
Her pilgrim life.


Earlier this year I attended an all day session with the poet, David Whyte. The subject of his talk: ‘half a shade braver’. He spoke of the  courage to live my life: willingness to be vulnerable, to inhabit my life rather than haunt it, to be hospitable to the stranger in me. Many questions accompany me as I continue:

  • What conversation am I prepared to let go?
  • What do I really want?
  • How do I find me?

A little later, I found a book by Brene Brown – Rising Strong.  This book, and others she has written, speak of a willingness to be vulnerable  as essential to living a full life: that courage, compassion and connection are first- being kind to myself as I contemplate changes in my life. If I am willing to lean into  some discomfort, I will inhabit my authentic self on my journey to wholeness.  Of course, there are many questions…all leading to living a larger life, listening to my heart, being truthful- no more pretense.

Since then, a murder mystery with a quote from CS Lewis:

I have come home at last! This is my real country. I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now…come further up, come further in!

And, another book – the author uses this same invitation in connection with some intense action and its aftermath…and a song, a Ginette Reno lyric:

un peu plus haut – a little higher
un peu plus loin -a little further

Alan Seale speaks of breaking open, of creating the conditions to deepen my awareness and wonder about my learning curve as I contemplate:

  • What wants to happen?
  • Who’s that asking me to be?
  • What’s that asking me to do?

All of these authors offer both a challenge and an opportunity to explore conversations I have had with myself. My observations? In my next blog.


Bread Thoughts

A bakery of books on shelves…
Each loaf offering ingredients
for a healthy life.
Self-help:recipes to heal,to support,
to discover ways of living life.
There are endless versions.
Each author/baker has reasons for choosing
this shape or that, these restrictions or desires-
Basic or decorative…
for every reason,there is a season-ing. Invitations.

My life has been lived
like slices of bread enclosed in a
somewhat decorative bag which opens easily to reveal-
– some pieces are artisanal: seeds and herbs throughout.
The texture and taste of experience and creation opens me to
enjoy, savor, remember:
sometimes a higher price is paid but so worth it.
– some slices are Wonderbread: there is a sameness.
Plain- with or without peanut butter; I do not pay
attention. What nutritional value? Routines and ruts:
the dailiness that sometimes feeds.
– pita, flatbread offer space for additions.
Fillings vary; bread consistency offers chewy deliberation
For me,for other- guises,emotions.

I have been/am a baker.
Selecting the flour- foundation of who I am.
Whole wheat,gluten free,all purpose:
I have been all purpose in my life!
Baking my further life- different flours,reasons.
Plunging my hands in the bag,measuring amounts for success.
The leavening of laughter and possibility,
The flavoring of experience and circumstance-
Kneading the dough; developing my gifts
Let it rise…punch down
Shape…let it rise
Why is life like that?
Bake-heat of emotion, desire, connection.
Size, shape, adorned or plain…my choice?
Spread with costume and performance
Enhanced with words and ideas
Consumed with relationship, awareness,courage.

My ingredients,heat of my oven- I feed my engaged self.
Less focus on machine cut rules,
Paying attention: to wholeness, to new beginnings-
the pleasures of indulging,tearing pieces,creating.
I can feed others with my creations…always there,
always possible, always available.
On a shelf,a rack or my kitchen.

Who said anything about carbohydrates?

Row Row Row Your Boat…revised

I am rowing MY boat. It has always been tempting and safe to be a passenger on someone else’s craft and to sing their song…with a certain panache, of course. These days, I am rowing MY boat of words and ideas of living well in the second half of life. My craft is sleek: I have let go of patterns that no longer serve me to let something new begin. I am supporting others to live their best life and to plan for a future of their own design. While I am aware that my boat is colourful and unique, as is its path, I am part of a flotilla of  boats whose rowers maneuver courageously  through the aging process, aware of their surroundings and allowing their dreams and passions to power them forward. Come along.

GENTLY down the stream

I know/knew I’m alive because I am working. My avatar kept me busy, often with several responsibilities to juggle. This approach allowed but it also constrained…defined me.  Compassionately and courageously, ‘gently’ has been my learning about self-love and caring: what matters to me. Along my inner journey stream, I am getting to know myself beyond the noiseless return of memory/ silos, towards the wholeness of acknowledging  my accomplishments and living my purpose in the world.  Conscious aging invites my voice to express itself. My creative imaginings arise from looking within; magical stillness allows me to listen to the stirrings of my heart and soul. In my quest to live my own life: I allow my world to unfold,am learning to recognize my gifts and indulge in their envisioned expression. Their strength and opportunity enhance my connections in the world. Reflect! Reconnect! Renew! My interconnections with the worlds within me and beyond this earth plane. Living large! The tough marshmallow.

MERRILY, merrily, merrily, merrily

I am enough! This realization has allowed me to find joy in past events and  current circumstances of my life. Others’ expectations are just that, theirs. ‘Merrily’ invites me to celebrate my life: the deepening understanding of my identity and loving who I am- ‘from addictions to flow’: an eternal healing and awareness . My wellbeing inspires an emotional response, wrapped in costume and engaging my body and soul in expressions of potential and creation. As my performer self plays, it becomes a catalyst; my soul responds, opening me to explore meaning in my life through modal musical foundations- singing, and dancing to rhythms- the sounds of love. My conversation with my life continues through my writing- about my life and connections with the world through a lens of awakened possibility. Whatever form this belonging takes: the magic of sharing my worlds and ideas with others is opening me to living consciously as I age. My creator self enlarges this conversation of Conscious Aging through designing and facilitating vehicles for conversation to support groups and individuals. Building community. Dream weaving. Living well through transitions. The caress of enhanced relationships with family, and friends old and new, nourishes me: encourages me to express my feelings and allows me to question- what wants to happen? How can I be of service?  I have written- ‘The answers lie within me; knowing I am all there is.’ Changeless and changing, with gratitude in my heart, I am a pilgrim, wandering along the pilgrim path of my life. Identity. Meaning. Purpose. Love.


Dreaming my life into existence- I am a spiritual being having a human experience(Beckwith) ; my ‘local self’ is but a part of my larger self connected beyond this lifetime and this time and space.In fact, I can sometimes feel that larger presence as I go about my day. I believe that some of my traits have existed over lifetimes- part of my life purpose in this earth plane is to heal old wounds and to feel the freedom of living. Living in light and knowing I am love meets resistance from my ego self who prefers the status quo- with illness and a passive response to life as gatekeepers.  However, I am learning to dream in this lifetime, to feel the power of desire and to marry it with my gifts and talents.  I am not alone; listening to my heart and soul, my intuition and connections with all that is allows me to rehabilitate my emotional self and to speak with one voice; to know myself as a feeling being and to express emotions, beyond fear, connected to circumstances – I am powerful and want my reality to engage with my Self in a co-creative awareness. My pilgrim path through this lifetime allows for recognizing endings and beginnings: the ‘always in the never’ that I can meet with courage and an emerging confidence. My vision for this lifetime unfolds.

Candle in the Wind(EJ)

Don’t fear the light within. May it ignite the Sacred Flame in your soul. Paulo Coelho.


I am a candle
Carrying my desires and dreams forward
As the winds of circumstance
The flame may flicker,
may need to be relit:
Slender taper,fat round shape,tealight
The light of truth,Spirit- sustains, remains constant.

I have purpose:

I celebrate:
the passage of time;the holiness of space
living beyond the circumstances-they do not define me
others who share my journey
I illuminate:
my authentic self
the truth of who I am:seeker,teacher,supporter
possibilities in the world beyond the ‘wind’

I guide:
the lost warrior home to self
truths of myself- ABC
performance of my creativity.

I dispel:
gloom of lack and loss
uncertainty of purpose
others’ self-doubt

I create:
ritual- honoring increased awareness
space for others to explore and create
alignment of inner and outer realms

I warm:
my essential self
explore interdependence
feel the warmth of flow

I am called to:
triumph over darkness of misunderstanding
connect as the eternal symbol of welcome and warmth
flickering: shape and reshape with the winds of change
stand tall- beauty and purpose evident
understand protection and safety- knowing when and how.

Love’s oxygen surrounds and feeds me
Harmony and stillness encourage my flame to shine
Healing my fears and injuries allows space to glow.

Alone, I shine forth
In community, I share, decorate, signal
the importance of living well, celebration
Open heart,Oneness of soul,Imagination

This little light of mine: I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

(Imagine me singing)

Frontiers- question #3

Question: Am I living on the frontier of my life?

Looking at the landscape with new eyes:

I seem to be experiencing internal collisions these days…the old order and newer possibilities, ego and soul conversations. I know I wrote before of body as battleground, but I would not use that terminology now. An excerpt from my journal:

I just need to pay attention(mindful is the word). Putting myself first(self- care is the word)…learning how to look and feel differnet. It is harder to come my way as I am looking outward still for worthiness. My inner landscape is open for occasional tours and dispensation is sought for further exploration. Some roads have been cleared and habitation is possible. There are signposts and the spiral pathways of life have me retracing my steps…that has led to increased understanding- like the board game(Snakes and Ladders)- to move forward to the next challenge. Sometimes those challenges come in waves and I must rest for a few days to explore what they are here to teach me.Eventually I will embark on the next leg of my journey. I have reclaimed a lot of land from my background and am living somewhat differently now. It has meant a new language and culture – learning how to venture into new territory: safety and risk are learning to co-exist. Artifacts abound but I can see more clearly than ever before.

MY journey is unique- each person’s is; however, my decorations and historical routes will will have some similarity to others and are worthy of discussion if we are going to be a community.I am pleased to be making this journey even though I get frustrated. Some parts are more like climbing mountain ranges and others provide more warmth and support than I could have believed. I have longed to find more cleared land and to construct new habitation, even new journeys; I am now understanding that ‘getting there’ is not going to happen. The most I can hope for is a better relationship between my ego and soul and to live past and present simultaneously. What about joy? Bliss?

I am learning that the pilgrimage of my life has many facets and I do not want to skip steps or rely on a guided tour. The voyage has scary moments- both reflective understandings and ventures into uncharted territory- but this path is also reminding me of my worth and value as I make the trip. I will be fine as I continue. The dance steps allow for my integration into the new culture

I wonder what can be next.

Quest-ion #2

WAI SmallWhat do I call myself?

I am a woman. Scorpio is my Zodiac sign. Dog is my Chinese Zodiac sign

I am a wanderer – never more content than when exploring new territory, be it geography or ideas. Stories or artifacts. Inner journeys or outer realities. I am at home wherever I am; I always want to discover what’s out there/in there. I  will integrate new ways of being, thinking but I am happier when I am moving. As  a spiritual seeker, my soul speaks and my heart opens  as I better understand my path in this world. Small wonder my logo contains a bird.

I am a performer- have had many roles in my life and often  tried to conform to expectations of these parts: sister, daughter, cousin, teacher, leader, friend. I am a lover of costume and wrap myself in colour:scarves and hats. Music animates my life…singing in groups or solo- my goal is to be on a stage: singing my own songs or speaking about living well in the second half of life. Ecstatic dance beckons- moving my body reminds me I exist beyond my head. I have a ‘rolodex’ of voices to add texture to any piece. Soon,you will find me’ exposing myself’ – secret no more.

I am creative- of course we all have that gift hardwired in us. What courses through my veins- words. They are my medium: I paint the landscape of my life with them. I am a writer who allows words to inhabit my world and to provide a vehicle to share that world with others.  Others’ words help me to understand my journey. Love is not too strong a word.

I love conversations: with friends to share notes on living in this world;  as a leader- creating and organizing time and space for groups large and small; as a facilitator- creating context for increased awareness of possibility; with myself- a thinker who is increasingly able to make connections and listen to the voice of my intuition. Sophie lives!

‘I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me’. RLS

. the world of emotion and passion has always be a bit of a foreign ‘clime’. I am learning to be less controlled in my response to life and to claim joy  over fear.

. I am reclaiming my power and learning the benefits of self-care. Who I am/ think I am has changed!!


And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself Beloved on the Earth. Raymond Carver

Connections with trees

Dear Donna,

Last week, when l was driving to your house, l was struck by the colour of the leaves on the trees: symphonies of red, yellow, orange—glamorous costumes for these titans of nature. I saw the shape of each tree, a framework to hold the leaves in place, especially at their showy best. I also observed the promise that the trunk and branches will have their turn to display to the world their power and presence.

It is the cyclical nature of this process that interests me. There is always the spring promise of green in tiny increments responding to the warmth of renewal and possibility. We are always grateful to see this thaw, this indicator of what is to come. Sometimes, there are blossoms to perfume the air and foreshadow the glory. Our hearts respond to these initiatives; we do not have to, nor can we, command or control their progression. 

Summer arrives and the stately green and red of each tree signals that it is working: providing shade, holding soil in place, offering space for birds’ nests—a mix of the art and science of life for everyone to see; it is often taken for granted but holding high our expectations and dreams. Sometimes, the trees are removed if they get in the way or are needed for human constructions. Their spindly replacements will take many years to mature and become valued members of the natural world. Whether they are foreign or native born may impact how they grow or the value we place on them. Trees are owned only by virtue of where they stand on a particular property; their roots and being could tell another story. 

Autumn appears and most leaves change colour; their lifeblood retreats as does their value. There is a blaze of glory, no matter their circumstances. This leafy torch is also me: whatever my personal circumstances, l am celebrated and acknowledged. Trees also let go of much that no longer interests or aids them. Then, winter arrives with no costume; tree life is seemingly dead. Its lifeblood has gone dormant. lt is then that we can see the strength and shape of each titan that is no longer hidden by costume or care. The end of a cycle is perceptible, but permanence belongs elsewhere. Within each tree there is the promise of spring—dormant until the warmth appears and the circle begins again. Once again, the natural world comes alive with colour and shape; the green of possibility emerges. Trees bend and breathe again with other parts of nature; each is unique and strong, but always changing and responding to its surroundings.

And so it is for us. We go through many cycles in our lives as we live from birth to death: child, adolescent, adult, senior. Each phase has changes and progressions. Beginnings and endings dominate our lives, but none are more prominent than after a major event. ln my case, it was retirement—standing alone without the protection of leaves and particular tasks. What function can I now serve? l certainly had my dormant season, wondering about my own worth and what my lifeblood could make of the life l had lived to this point. 

But! l hold the promise of spring: waiting, wondering about wisdom and ageing. What warmth will appear to enliven the new life? l will live well, perhaps in changed circumstances, but secure in the possibilities that are available to me. My creative streak will breathe with me and longs to be part of the world I inhabit with others; its voice is unique and strong. My questions include: What will my response be? Who will be my companions? What will I create? 

As my new leaves appear, it is for sure that friendships and community will colour them all. 

Thank you for being there.